I haven't written in this in like 6 months. I've been writing in Xanga. In my last entry, I talked about Freshman year being a "nightmare" and when summer comes along, I'll wake up. Well no, my nightmare followed me. Ah. I don't know what to do about a certain someone. Last night I broke down crying, over a million things. I'm just really getting sick of a lot of people. I don't know who is close to me and who is my enemy. It's just pathetic how fake people are these days. Oh well. I'm trying to get over it.

It's been an awefully long time. My birthday passed. I'm finally 15. I fucked up shit and doing everything I can to fix it myself, without anyone's help. I tired of blamming my actions on other people. It's all my fault. My ways of fixing it are actually working. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I've talked to him and I never felt better. People suddenly hate me once again for it all, and if some of my friends can accept the fact that everyone makes mistakes, then maybe they really aren't my friends and I don't wanna deal with them making me upset all the time. I've been talking to someone that once made me the happiest girl in the world. When you love someone, they're always gonna be in your heart forever. I have these feels coming back, and I have no clue what to do. I always thought it was his fault for us breaking up, but I'm the one who made things even worst with all the shit I've done. If we ever date again, I just hope its after school is over. Freshman year is being a nightmare, when summer comes, I'll wake up. But, other than all those issues, my grades are comming along fine. I'm so close to having a B in Biology, and if that happens, I'll only ahve 2 Bs so I'm very happy.

<3 Mel

P.S. I'm so happy. Linkin Park FINALLY has a release date. May 15!!! Devin's b-day is the 14th, 15th that comes out, and my dad's b-day is the 16th. It's so exciting. The first single is "What I've Done" and they are in the making of the video at the moment. I need to renew my LPU membership so I can watch the LPTV videos and be able to get some discounts on tickets. Oh and the album is called "Minutes to Midnight"

Well. Here's our snow storm. We had a lot of schools closed, and ours didn't get anything. I was scared so I didn't go. They have a 2 hr. early dismissal anyways. I didn't get ready in time so who cares. I don't trust our bus drivers at all so what's the point in almost getting killed. But anyways, not much has really  been going on. Softball is def. in the air.. I have that shit everyday for either high school, or Wildfire. I really really really wanna make varsity but unless I become faster, I'm not gonna make it. I totally stopped talking to Kent. It's almost been a whole week! WOOT! haha. I still can't help with looking at him in the halls though. I'm so weird. He hasn't tried texting me so obvisiously he's being satisfied by other girls. What a man whore. But, birthday is in 9 DAYS!! woot. HAPPY! Yeahhhh I can't wait yo!

<3 Mel

I havent been feeling like myself lately

I dont get why.. but I feel so lonely

It's been a while since I've had a "man" in my life

like blah.. I hate it

I always tell myself that you don't need a man to make you happy

And its true.. it just feels like I need one right now

Mike is right there.. but I'm just not sure about him

Like ahh.. we are good friends.. and I'm afraid to ruin it

I feel like Andy is gonna try to get back with me.. he's been talking to me a lot lately.. and I just cant take it

I hate his brother, basically his whole family

Hate's a strong word.. so I shouldn't say that

His brother needs to die

Andy would be alright if he wasn't trying to follow in his brother's path and if he would be a better boyfriend

There's a lot of guys I wouldn't mind dating

I love like all my guy friends.. they are all so cool

But I'm always "the friend".. and it sucks

Like blah.. what the fuck

And I suddenly feel so terrible about all the shit I've done with Kent.. it's pitiful

I feel, because of him, no one else wants to date me

Think I'ma "whore"

And I'm not

Kent's the only guy I ever experience these "things" with

I wish I was drunk when I did that shit.. that would be my excuse

But it's not... it's my dumbass fault

Because I am a dumbass

fuck

<3 Mel

Saturday was like the saddest day ever

Dallas lost =(

All because of a STUPID fumble of a snap ahhhhhh

I was hearing about it all day

But i feel soo bad for Romo =( but I still feel bad

BUT! Mr. Presto is a Dallas fan!!!!!!

It made me extremely happy

Other than that nothing really happened today

<3 Mel

So, I'm in school. Very tired. Ah

Last night a wrote a poem.. first one in almost 2 years haha

The last one I wrote dont count cuz it was for acting

It's kinda long

I told Kent I never wanted to see him agian

He hasnt texted me, so I think he understood

But he'll start talking to me when he needs a booty call, ah

Supposely I tell Jarrett everything

Not my fault me and him are best friends

I always thought he just hung out wiht me when there was no one else to hang with

Now I'm #2 on his myspace.. neat

Even tho me and him havent hung  out since formal

But Im gonna go

<3 Mel

First day back wasnt that bad

Jami had the same shirt on as me, different color. She tried running away acting like it was a big deal, when in reality, it's not.

Jared likes my Cinnamon Pumpkin lotion =)

And I've realized that I have more guy friends than girl friends.. its kinda weird

Like in homeroom I talked to Jared, Zach, Evan, and Zach.. no girls

It kinda bothers me

Anyways,

All I have is History

Well I do have Bio, but I never read in that class

Maybe thats why I'm failing? hmm

But, I heard the best news ever

Apperantly, one of our lovely couples at Trinity High School have broken up

Yesterday

And this kid, I liked a little

He said he's not used to have a girlfriend for so long

Which makes me wonder.. Do guys like to get around? Do they really hate long relationships?

Hmmm.. I don't know.. just weird

I highly doubt me and this kid would ever hook up tho

We are good friends so I doubt it

I think I should go

Man. I've been writing a lot lately

<3 Mel

Well, a lot has happened. But, not trying to bust your bubble, I don't really wanna get into detail with it. Christmas has come and gone again. I thought it was gonna suck ass this time around. It kinda did, but my grandma got me my Tony Romo jersey so I'm happy =) I got $140 dollars worth of gift cards for the mall. Two ($50) for Old Navy, one ($25) for Aeropostale, and two ($65) for Macy's. I spent most of it on Wednesday and the rest today. I got 3 shirts and a pair of jeans at Old Navy, 2 shirts at Aero, and 2 shirts, 3 pairs of underwear, jeans, and a jacket at Macy's. I think I did pretty good. I also got $40 for Target and I got a shirt, a purse, and Chris Daughtry's cd. It's a pretty damn good CD. My sis made me one on the computer but I felt bad that he wasn't getting any money so I bought it haha.

Other things happened too. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for it too. But, it's my business, so I've only told 4 people and I'm trying my best to keep it that way. No, I'm not gonna post it online silly face. I think after a while people are gonna start finding out. But, I'm gonna try my best to keep it a secert for quite a while. It'll be hard, but I think I can do it

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and a happy New Year. I'm hoping to go over Jarrett's or something.

<3 Mel

My last entry was very emoish... i was in a really bad mood

it was about kent.. and how he sleeps with all kinds of girls.. and yet his girlfriend of 3 years has no clue.. it's so sad

Like I can't believe how dishonest people are these days

Like oh here's a good example

Kevin acts like we are good friends

But he talks behind my back a lot

So here's the story

A friend tells me that Kevin, Mike, and Kenny (who has no right to talk about me cuz he doesnt know shit about me) are talking about Formal. Well, Kevin tells them I'm in his picture and they are like EW EW EW

Well, I asked Mike about it because well he's been trying to be my friend

He tells Kevin, and this is some of what he said

"She's sucha a whore. She keeps going back to Andy and gets naked in his brother's truck"

OK first off hunny, I'm not a whore

Second, I only went out with Andy twice, the second time lasted a week

And third, I didn't get NAKED with Kent.. not at all

And Fourth... you're just fucking mad that I can actually get wiht people and all you want is fucking hot chicks and you can't fucking get with them and everytime someone wants to get with you, you don't want them

I don't know if that makes sense, but in other words.. I used to like Kevin.. a while ago.. and he wouldnt go out with me

But he liked this girl.. who is hot.. and she didn't want him

and he complains that he wants a girlfriend..

HELLO!!!!!!! IM LIKE RIGHT HERE!! COME GET ME!

Yea.. I hate stupid people

But other than all that drama, Dallas won Saturday.

They play the Eagles on Christmas =)

And.. only 3 more days til break

Even tho I'm not getting anything for Christmas

And I need to find somehow to get Christmas cards for people

Either I'm making htem, or buying

I rather buy, so I dont ahve to write special messages in them.

<3 Mel

I swear, I'm one fucked up kid. Like I can't believe myself anymore. I think I've really become a hypocrite

I make mistakes, and promise others I won't ever do it again.. what do I do? Yup.. do it again. I don't know what my problem is. I need help

I know he is using me, but I don't get why I can't say no. It's driving me crazy. I don't have proof he's still wiht his girl, but I have this feeling he is. He's the one doing wrong with cheating on her.. but I just can't stop. His kiss.. wow.. like woah. Blahh.. no I'm not having sex.. he's tempting me to.. but I'm not.

If you know me at all, you should know who I'm talking about. If not, there's really no point in even reading this

I have no clue what to do. I was able to get my mind off of him for about 8 months til it happened again. I was happy at first, but now I'm regretting it again..

I think I should get myself a man.. a way to get everything off of my mind. Expect I'm so paranoid that we end up breaking up. I screwed things up wiht someone so they are out of the picture.. I sorta like someone but they like someone. I'd honestly date any of my guy friends.. i love them all.. and if I don't, I can learn to like them. It's not that difficult.

I started writing in my notebook again. I'm hoping to type it up as a book. I love writing, and I can always change things up. But blah, it's something to do in my spare my time

I hope you enjoyed writing about my worthless life

<3 Mel

I'm preparing for the "you your sucha whore"s. I was with Kent yesterday.. and I only told 4 people and yea but the end of today, a lot of people knew. I honestly dont care anymore. People can do what they want really. Eventually everyones gonna be doing something

I'm being so lazy this week. My Career Research Project is due Monday.. and all I've done was the stuff in the library.. no outline, no rough draft, no final copy, no nothing. Haven't done shit. And I've been doing homework at like 9:30 at night. This week isnt my week. Dad got the news that he isnt gonna receive his job back.. no Christmas for us. My mom said sometime in January or February we will, but not this year.. *sigh* But, my dad won unempolyment =D So the company owes him 2 months worth of money which then, we might have our Christmas. But, I'm tired, so maybe I will start my homework.

<3 Mel

It's December!! I love that month. My b-day is in 83 days hehe. So, I havent updated since formal. Let's make this sorta short. Mike was in love with me, and we went to the movies. After I confessed I dditn ahve a great time, he flipped.. like always. So now I'm somewhat ignoring him. It's kinda gay. The Jungos are still trying to get in my pants... yea.. I go along with it cuz I find it so funny. I haven't had much drama, except for at home. We got a new puppy! Her name is Molly.. so it's been stressful keeping her out of trouble. My dad is suppose to find out if he gets his job back today. I've heard news of Linkin Park's new album coming out May 7, but taht isnt approved yet. Umm.. what else... I'm almost failing Bio.. woot. Um.. I had sex-ed today. It was ackward being in there with Andy. The one question they asked was "Is a girl still a virgin if she is fingered?" Like hmm.. he got my wondering... it took a while to get the answer, and the answer is yes she is still a virgin. I was like *sigh* thank God. Ah.. what else has been going on? Tonight is Mariah's lock-in. I'm excited. Me + Devin + Vault = WOOT!!!!!!!!!! hahah I think that's all, if not I'll add more shit later

<3 Mel

formal was pretty good

i love it

my myspace has a lot of pics

www.myspace.com/mel28nicole

go comment them =)

<3 Mel

Yea.. last night Max died =( It was so hard on me. Idk if I've spoken about this but this is what went wrong. Somehow he got a disease and whatever was in him, made him allergic to his food AND eat up all his protein. So we had to give him people food for him to gain weight and give him pills... But after we ran out of the pills, he started throwing up and getting weak. Around 10:30 my dad said he wasn't gonna make it. I stayed wiht him all night crying. Around 2:30 AM dad picked him up and put him into our little room thing and we laid him down. Once again i stayed with him and around 3 he died.. He was the best dog in the world I swear. Everyone's dogs are cool, but mine was the best. Always happy, he was like a brother that I never had. Everyone loved him too. I just cant til I die to be in Heaven with him

I <3 Max

6/16/98 - 11/9/06

<3 Mel

So, theres a lot of things that have been on my mind lately... normally I dont think a lot but lately, I have. First off, theres this kid I like.. I think. He's cool. But, hes got a chick. Bummer. BUT! He flirts with me so bad... ask anyone. Its pittiful when I can tell you're flirting with me. So anyways Idk what to do. I'm friends wiht his chick but he can do better than her. i mean, I know I'm not that great, but I think me and him would be better together. Ive also been thinking of how my relationships in the past got ruined. Ive only been in serious love twice in a relationship. There was two other times that I was in love, and I knew it, but didnt have them. But after thinking for a while, I kinda figured out why it didnt work.. I always felt ackward. Most of the time I'm so out there and say anything. But when I'm wiht a boyfriend or something, I feel weird and scared to say something stupid. When me and Andy went out the second time I was more open, but I should have been just my normal self. Of course hooking up wiht his brther in the past kinda ruined it the secnd time around. Ah.I jsut really want this kid.. not andy lol.. someone else.

I really love Halloween. It was good this year. And it made me a lil happier when I came home and saw that kent left me a message on myspace. He hasnt talked to me in a month. He's a good friend but he was just too horny before. i wouldnt mind hooking up again, but jst not sex and stuff cuz well I wanna wait. Idk why but if I have sex before marriage, I'm afraid God will like kill me or something lol. So idk I know He forgives and all but ah I'm just scared. I'm ready, but i just dont wanna get in trouble.

I'm even more happier today because Dylan didnt remember his ticket number, so, I didnt put his name on the seating thing. WOOT! I'm very happy about that. I cant stand the lil fuck. I feel like I have more to say, but I cant think

<3 Mel

Too much has gone to my head. Over the past month, I've had 3 different dates to formal, and all has failed. First I had Andy, he probably didnt even wanna go, plus we broke up. Second was Mike, he was a dumb fuck who didnt knw anything about formal, bitched at me, and didnt wanna go with me anymore? And then lastly was Kevin, who only asked me because Jarrett told him and he acted like he wanted to go but he told Steph he really didnt so I told him I rahter go wiht my friends. Yea.. I'ma bitch i guess. I seriously do think I'd have more fun wiht my friends.. but, I only had 3 people who I really did wanna go with, and none of them are going.. how ironic is that? Guys in my grade are weird, and I hate that

On a gayer note, Kent has been on my mind wayy too much. He has Michele back.. how gay is that. Either he only talked to me when they were having issues before, they did break up and he just wanted some ass, or he really did like me. Idk which one it is. I'm thinking its either the first or second.. I was used and I hate him for that.. but.. deep down.. I really think I loved him and I think abot him all the time and look for him in the halls.. It scares me sometimes. Ahhh I love my icon.. "If only life came with an erase button".. so true

But, today was good. Hiller game was soo much fun. I dont get why people dont go to those things. They are the best places to socialize..better than the damn mall where the cops are always up your ass. You ahve more freedom at the games. But it was so much fun. I hung out with.. well.. a lot of people. We kept singing ahha.. I should soo do the talent. I would be a beast. I wre like 2 pairs of sweats to keep warm. I like to hump things haha. Yea tonight was fun.. bt now I got a sore throat and my nose is weird

<3 Mel

Blah. Things havent been good around my house, dealing wiht my dad and all. Ah.. it sucks.. a lot. Me and Caitlyn talked and we are friends now. Andy and I talked as well.. Mike is the only one still with an issue with me. He doesn't have many comebacks either.. The worst he has is calling me fat and saying kiss me ass. Like seriously people, be orginal when you argue. Ive heard the same old shit a billion times, I'm always waiting to hear something new, and if you give me something new, I'll probably give you probs for it haha. My science grade is going up, I ahve a 79% now, 4% away from a B. Woot. I saw the Grudge 2 friday.. IT WAS STUPID! I know I didnt see the first one but still, it was really stupid. I laughed more than screamed. Ah, I had stupid movies, especially if they are meant to be scary. Powderpuff is going great. I think we might have a chance really. Today i got games at 1 & 3. Me and Kaycee might go somewhere afterwards too. Ah.. Idk what else to write about. I felt like I had more to say but I guess not

<3 Mel

I'm in Web Design.. and bored.. so I decided to post an entry. We were suppose to type this thing and well I finished like 10 minutes ago. Blah.. Friday was the Hiller Game. Jamie Nichoella won Homecoming Queen. Andy's new hoe kept giving me dirty looks.. like what the hell.. I took like a billion pics of me Mariah and Trista before I decided I liked it haha. Saturday I went to Tiff's game and we went out to eat later that night. Um Sunday was evil.. Cowboys lost =( But Steelers lost too so its good =) Mike is pissed at me. I dont really get why tho. Apperantly someone made up an SN and told off Andys gf. Andy yelled at me online and i was like uh.. what? And he wants to get his cousin to beat me up haha. I dont get why people dont fight their own battles? I mean come on.. you want to beat someone up but you're gonna run to somoene else to do it? How gay. Well, the sn thing is retarded. If I wanted to tell someone off I would do it on my own sn, not a made up one. So Mike decided to take Caitlyn's side cuz she has "proof". Just cuz you have a damn convo of a made up sn does NOT mean it was me.. how retarded. And then Mike's like "you still like andy.. we aint going to formal" and shit like that. I'm kinda happy I aint going to Formal wiht Mike now. I think I'm gonna have more fun going to Brit's house, taking pics, and all of us going as a group. I see Mike next tho so Idk what he's gonna say about all this..

On other news, Jacob Finey is a fucking retard! Ok so I'm wearing my Dallas Cowboy jersey, and he starts to mouth off the Cowboys. So I totally tell him off aobut the Steelers and shit and hes like "what r u talking aobut Dallas hasnt won any Super Bowls"... WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!! Dallas BEAT the STEELERS in superbowl 30 to WIN their 5th superbowl dumbass bitch. Wow. I hate stupid people.. thats like my pet peeve or something. And, Mr. Smith asked me aobut my locker? and he wont tell me why? Now its gonna bug me all day... ahhhhhhh I hate that. It's gay

<3 Mel

I've decided to go to Formal alone.. I sorta asked Jason told but he told me he wasnt sure if he was going cuz it costs so much.. I never asked Zach but that will probably be a no anyways. I started community service again... yea I need those 10 hours.. I rode Steph's bus and now Kelly Kover wants to kick my ass cuz I'm "too loud". That's a gay ass reason to kick someone's ass.. Well she said she was gonna punch me but I was still loud and I can't fucking help it I'm loud.. My dad is partically deaf and I have to talk loud enough for him to hear me, so of course my voice is always gonna be loud because I get use to it. But now Dad might get fired from work because of all kinds of shit with us fighting to get my dad's pay for when he couldnt work cuz of his work.. and plus my parents aren't doing too well... They don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. Geshj IM 14 years old.. my parents ahve been married for 19 years (been together for 21) and they have issues.. blah. I cant wait for tomorrow. It's homecomming and after school, I'm going out and dress shopping =). *excitement*

<3 Mel

If you hate Andy Jungo, you're allowed to kick his ass tomorrow morning. He is the dumbest, whorish, lil fuck anyone has ever met. Ok so heres the story.. he thinks I wanan fuck him.. and I dont. So after arguing with him he finally got the message.. BUT he goes and askes Erica (Steph's sister, who is 12 years old) if he can finger her at the movies.. WHAT THE FUCK?! She doesnt even know what that means like omg. So yea we are getting a bunch of kids to kick his ass tomorrow. Join in if you like

On the other part, things are going great. Well, Saturday and Sunday we had a softball tournament. Our first game we won 8-0. I struck out and got a double. Then Kaycee drove me, Toni, Megan, and Nicole to the mall to eat. I had a Subway =) We came back and while warming up, I said that I dont wear sliding shorts. Well I hoped that someone else didnt wear them either, but apperantly everyone else does. So, when I wasnt looking, Laurel pants me. And to make it worst, when there were guys behind us, Sydney did it again. Yea and of course I had "white lace" underwear on so they made fun of me. We lost the game 8-0. On Sunday I went to Starbucks and we lost our other game 6-0.. yea we sucked. Today not much happened except I got tons of homework. I'm thinking about asking Zach Zsamboky to go to formal with me =) Or I might ask this Jason kid. Idk his last name but we were talking about formal and he sounded like he would go with me so I might ask him.. soo idk. Well i'm bored with this

<3 Mel